MDD, or Major Depressive Disorder, is a recurrent type of depression. Symptoms are often very active and severe in nature. Before I was treated for my MDD, I had to deal with a variety of symptoms – but one that stood out from the rest was my lack of motivation. My whole life had lost its focus – and I was slowly turning into a shell of my former self.
I didn’t have any interest in anything. I could barely get work done, and even then, I would do just enough to get by. When I had the option, I stayed in bed all day, which is how I spent most weekends. I didn’t even find joy in my hobbies anymore. Video games lost their charm. I didn’t have the patience for reading. Even going outside felt dull.
My head was constantly feeling numb. Everything around me felt pointless, meaningless. Every person and relationship around me felt pointless and meaningless as well. All I ever really wanted to do was to lay down and to never get back up. I felt empty, tired, and drained, even when I hadn’t done anything that day. Nothing felt good anymore, and I felt little more than nothing.
Eventually, I sought help, and while many days continue to be a struggle, some amount of color has returned to my world again. If you have any of the feelings I just described – please do the same yourself. Even if it just starts with you just telling someone you trust – it’s a good first step, and it was also my first step. Please don’t let a major disorder control your life. If I can do it, I’m sure that you could, too.